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Its hard to look both of them in the face and not cry because I know what is coming. I feel numb, detached from reality. This can't be happening. My hysterical cries of trying to calmly resolve things is slowly making me go insane. I can't take it. I want to hide underneath my bed and not hear anything. I don't think I'm cut out for this making me go even more mad with confusion and distress. I don't want to accept that I've been living a lie about doing therapy as my career. What am i suppose to do? Just sit here and cry all day staring into space wishing that I would just leave and everything would work out when i got back. Who the hell am I kidding? Nothing works out. I will accept no pity because I'm the stupid ass who tried to help, i deserve this, i deserve crying my eyes out over this, i deserve it all. please, just bring on everything bad in the world and get it over with while my face is still pouring out tears. give me the bad news, all of it. I wanna cry about it all once. and when the bad news finally comes ill be dry from all my tears and nothing will phase me. this is quite possibly the worst day of my life. if not it ranks pretty fuckin high up there. And when im done crying, I want to drive and drive far away with my mom, she doesnt deserve this. I love her too much.